my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
