Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize