I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
