yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize