You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
