Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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