Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
