That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
