I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
