The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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