i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
