I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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