How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
