My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
