dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
