She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
