I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
