My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
