i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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