If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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