Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize