Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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