this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
