You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
