if i died would you start the facebook group?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
