Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Randomize
