i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
