Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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