guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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