We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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