My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
