Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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