What did we do last night that was yellow?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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