The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
