so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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