Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
