I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I deserve this hangover.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
