The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
