fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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