How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize