The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
