Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
