D3 body, D1 cock
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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