dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
