Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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