Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
