Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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