Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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