I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize