my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
