Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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