The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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