Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
