He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
