you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
