I wanna passion pit in your ass
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize