dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
