Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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