doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I wish I could teleport
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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