I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
