Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
