i would punch a child for taco bell
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
