Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
