Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
