a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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