Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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